10 days

I’ve been staying off of Google–there really isn’t anything left for me to ask “Dr. Google”, honestly. I am oddly enough pretty calm. I guess all my life I have been a take life as it comes kinda person–obviously there have been parts of our IVF process where I was upset and broke down from fear and nerves. My husband has been going through the phase of comparing us to every other IVF couple|”well how old are they, do they have MFI?”–or–“see it worked for them” it’s kind of funny that he’s trying to reassure himself and I at the same time when I am sitting there going “honey it’s out of our control at this point, whatever happens, happens.”.

We talk about it as if it is for sure going to happen. ‘IF’ is no longer in my vocabulary so if this doesn’t work then please expect me to be crushed–but also expect me to pick myself back up after any fall that we have. I just don’t have the strength to think about this failing, to wonder if we will loose the baby/babies if it does work. I only have room in my heart for positive vibes currently and I will deal with any thing less when it comes my way.

I’m not really scared, I’m crabby and tired–thank you estrogen patches and pills. I am excited, I am trying my best to live my life like ‘normal’ *minus the wine and margs* each day before our transfer. I guess I just think that no matter what on April 18th our lives are forever going to be changed and regardless I am so thankful that we have even reached the point of getting a transfer completed.

I’ve left myself a little remind each day or what I am working towards–a little pink onesie covered in cat faces,  a four dollar steal I got from Nordstrom Rack to remind me of all of our hopes.

I guess I’ve just realized that sometimes you just have to let go and let it be–IVF is one of those things for me.

Wishing you all the best in your IVF stories.

xo

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twenty-three, going through first round of IVF with MFI, I'm scared, excited and extremely hopefull

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