fears>>

Today I started to worry… will both of our girls make it? one a 5BB and the other a 5BC? Will we have to go through IVF again to be able to have a daughter? I am hopeful but it’s hard. Everything has gone too perfect-I’m waiting for the shoe to drop.

I know I can’t be scared-I have no control over this. I don’t smoke, drink, I live a normal lifestyle–it isn’t like I had to change a whole lot about my life when starting our IVF journey. I just am trying to hard to not loose hope and to not let my fears consume me.

Yesterday, for the very first time in my life, I browsed the baby section. The most adorable little onesies, leggings, socks, etc. were cradled in my arms and then I put them back; my husband said “lets just try not to get our hopes up, we can come back and do this once they confirm we’re pregnant” but honestly, what then? Do we have to keep being scared? Am I going to worry about loosing our daughters, worrying my entire pregnancy?

The answer is NO. I refuse to not celebrate every single day we are blessed with children, our little babies who have already been so very strong. We will not wait until 12/13 weeks to announce to the world that we are pregnant with one or both of our little darlings. We will love every single moment.

I refuse to be afraid, I refuse to wait, to contain my excitement. We will celebrate every single milestone, every single day and we will spend every single second being so very thankful for all of our babes.

Celebrate every day, for every day is one day closer to so many  wonderful things.

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twenty-three, going through first round of IVF with MFI, I'm scared, excited and extremely hopefull

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